How to Help Your Parents Transition to Aged Care Without Blowing Up Your Life
I’ve had this conversation more times than I can count.
It usually starts with something like:
“Mum’s had a fall. She can’t live at home anymore.”
From that moment on, everything changes. Suddenly, the adult child becomes the carer, the coordinator, the decision-maker. You’re managing doctors, hospital discharge plans, care assessments, legal paperwork, all while trying to hold together your own family, job and sanity.
I’ve walked alongside many clients through this exact scenario. And I know just how overwhelming it is when you’re not prepared.
So here’s what I’ve learned, both professionally and personally, about how to support ageing parents through a transition to care, without losing control of your own life in the process.
1. Accept That You Can’t Do It All (And You’re Not Meant To)
When a parent suddenly needs aged care, whether due to a fall, dementia, or rapid health decline, the default reaction for many adult children is to drop everything.
You take time off work. You sleep on the couch at Mum’s house. You start Googling “respite care near me” at midnight. While admirable, this approach often leads to burnout and resentment.
Remember: You don’t have to be the sole project manager for their transition. Recognise that this is a whole-of-family issue, and that engaging professionals doesn’t mean you’ve failed them, it means you’re protecting yourself from crumbling under the load.
2. Get the Financials and Legal Docs in Order, Quickly
This is where things can go very wrong, very fast. In many cases, the parent can no longer manage their own finances, and decisions need to be made swiftly.
Here’s what you need to check:
Is there an Enduring Power of Attorney and Enduring Guardian in place?
Do you have access to their financial records, bank details, and super accounts?
What assets are available? Is there a property that needs to be sold to fund care?
Has an aged care financial assessment been done through Centrelink?
Trying to locate this information in a crisis is a nightmare. Even just having a basic folder or list of contacts can make a huge difference.
3. Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late to Explore Care Options
Many families wait for a crisis to occur before starting the search. By then, you’re under pressure, emotional, and often forced to settle for whatever’s available.
Instead, have the conversation early, even if it’s awkward. Visit facilities, understand the costs, know how long the waiting lists are, and map out preferences. Your future self will thank you.
If your parent is still relatively independent but declining, consider respite care as a way to trial a facility before committing. It gives everyone breathing space and a clearer view of what’s needed long term.
4. Lean On the Right Professionals at the Right Time
You need a team, not just your siblings or neighbours. These transitions often involve:
Aged care placement consultants
Solicitors (for POA, wills, or estate planning)
Real estate agents (to sell or lease the family home)
Financial advisers who specialise in aged care funding
Don’t assume the family GP or Centrelink can help with everything. And if you’re being asked to make legally binding or financial decisions on someone else’s behalf, make sure you have the proper authority to act.
5. Protect Your Own Career, Family, and Sanity
One of the most heartbreaking parts of this process is watching clients put their own lives on pause, indefinitely.
We’ve seen adult children quit their jobs, postpone weddings, or stop seeing their own kids, all because they feel they have no choice.
Here’s the truth: You do have a choice.
You can show up for your parents without giving up your entire life. But you’ll need to set boundaries, communicate clearly with employers, and outsource where it makes sense. Whether it’s a cleaner to help with the home, a professional to organise the sale of assets, or an adviser to handle the financial complexity, do it.
It’s not selfish. It’s smart.
6. When the Dust Settles, Look After Yourself Too
Once your parent is safely in care, the adrenaline wears off, and often, so does your ability to function. That’s when the emotional fallout begins.
Grief, guilt, relief, exhaustion, they can all hit at once.
Give yourself time to adjust. Talk to a professional if needed. And remember, helping your parents through this chapter is one of the most generous acts of love you can give. But it shouldn’t come at the cost of your own well-being.
If this is your life right now…
You’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong. It’s just that no one talks enough about how hard this part of life can be.
If you're unsure what to do next, just start small. Have a conversation with your parent. Find the key documents. Make one phone call. Ask for one bit of help.
It’s not about having all the answers, just about taking the next right step.
Book a complimentary 20-minute session, if you’d like to talk through your situation. No pressure. Just straight answers and a practical plan.
By Brett Tarlington